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Hayward, James L. Hegstad, Roland R. You possess a large proportion of the animal. You have strong animal passions which have not been controlled as they should have been. The more noble, elevated powers of the mind have been servant to the lower, or baser, passions.
You have failed to be sanctified through the truth which you profess, have failed to be a partaker of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. She is a frail flower and would soon droop and die if exposed to storm and neglect. You have not in your previous marriage understood the wants of a woman. You have not appreciated her delicate organism. You failed, greatly failed, with your first wife. She possessed a powerful constitution which can scarcely be equaled for power of endurance, but she presumed too much.
Your anxiety to acquire led you both to overtax yourselves and be swallowed up in the cares of this life, and to neglect present happiness and comfort, looking ahead to a time when you should have more of this world's goods, and then you could afford to look after the comforts of life. You have made a sad mistake.
The life of your wife was sacrificed. She might have lived. She ought to have lived. But you knew so little of woman's organism that you failed to have care, and neglected the preparation you should have made for her comfort. To a very great degree you possess the temperament of your father. When you seek a wife, go not among the delicate and refined, where the intellectual predominates. Select you a wife among that class more in accordance with your organization.
You cannot make a person of refined spiritual temperament happy. Faithfulness in the Parental Home. It is by faithfulness to duty in the parental home that the young are to prepare themselves for homes of their own. Let them here practice self-denial and manifest kindness, courtesy, and Christian sympathy. Thus love will be I beg of you, yes, I warn you in the name of my Master, do not enter the marriage relation and take upon yourself the responsibilities and obligation of the marriage vows until you are changed in heart and life.
When you can make your own home happy, be a blessing to your father and mother, your brothers and sister, then you can understand the duties involved in the marriage relation. Individuality Individuality of the Wife. A woman that will submit to be ever dictated to in the smallest matters of domestic life, who will yield up her identity, will never be of much use or blessing in the world, and will not answer the purpose of God in her existence.
She is a mere machine to be guided by another's will and another's mind. God has given each one, men and women, an identity, an individuality, that they must act in the fear of God for themselves. Separate Identity of Husband and Wife. I was shown that although a couple were married, gave themselves to each other by a most solemn vow in the sight of heaven and holy angels, and the two were one, yet each had a separate identity which the marriage covenant could not destroy. Although bound to one another, yet each has an influence to exert in the world, and they should not be so selfishly engrossed with each other as to shut themselves away from society and bury their usefulness and influence.
Testimonies on sexual behavior adultery and divorce, Ellen Gould Harmon White. )
A Passive Wife. Let the wife decide that it is the husband's prerogative to have full control of her body, and 26 to mold her mind to suit his in every respect, to run in the same channel as his own, and she yields her individuality; her identity is lost, merged in that of her husband. She is a mere machine for his will to move and control, a creature of his pleasure.
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He thinks for her, decides for her, and acts for her. She dishonors God in occupying this passive position. She has a responsibility before God, which it is her duty to preserve. When the wife yields her body and mind to the control of her husband, being passive to his will in all things, sacrificing her conscience, her dignity, and even her identity, she loses the opportunity of exerting that mighty influence for good which she should possess, to elevate her husband.
Love for Christ, Love for Each Other. Neither the husband nor the wife should merge his or her individuality in that of the other. Each has a personal relation to God.
White, Ellen G(ould) [Harmon] (1827-1915)
Of Him each is to ask, "What is right? Make Christ first and last and best in everything. As your love for Him becomes deeper and stronger, your love for each other will be purified and strengthened. The spirit that Christ manifests toward us is the spirit that husband and wife are to manifest toward each other. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it.
Neither the husband nor the wife should attempt to exercise over the other an arbitrary 27 control. Do not try to compel each other to yield to your wishes. You cannot do this and retain each other's love. Be kind, patient and forbearing, considerate and courteous. By the grace of God you can succeed in making each other happy, as in your marriage vow you promised to do. I was then shown his daughter-in-law. She is beloved of God, but held in servile bondage, fearing, trembling, desponding, doubting, and very nervous.
This sister should not feel that she must yield her will to a godless youth who has less years upon his head than herself. She should remember that her marriage does not destroy her individuality. God has claims upon her higher than any earthly claim. Christ has bought her with His own blood.
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She is not her own. She fails to put her entire trust in God, and submits to yield her convictions, her conscience, to an overbearing, tyrannical man, fired up by Satan whenever his satanic majesty can work effectually through him to intimidate this trembling, shrinking soul. She has so many times been thrown into agitation that her nervous system is shattered, and she is merely a wreck.
Is it the will of the Lord that this sister should be in this state and God be robbed of her service? Her marriage was a deception of the devil.
Yet now she should make the best of it, treat her husband with tenderness, and make him as happy as she can without violating her conscience; for if he remains in his rebellion, this world is all the heaven he will have. But to deprive herself of the privilege of meetings, to gratify an overbearing husband possessing the spirit of the dragon, is not according to God's will. He wants this trembling soul to flee to Him.
He will be a covert to her. He will be like the shadow of a great rock in a weary land. All three of her children are susceptible to the influences of the truth and Spirit of God. Could these children be as favorably situated as are many Sabbathkeeping children, all would be converted and enlist in the army of the Lord. The Head of the House. I wish in all sisterly and motherly kindness to kindly warn you upon another point.
I have often noticed before others a manner you have in speaking to John in rather a dictating manner, the tone of your voice sounding impatient. Mary, others notice this and have spoken of it to me.